The search for love has taken a turn, and it’s no longer just the swipe of a finger on a dating app. It’s a few clicks, some flattering words, and before you know it, a person you’ve never met has your heart and your wallet entrapped.
The world of romance scams a type of cybercrime that blends deceit, manipulation, and heartbreak with the most modern of criminal techniques.
In 2020, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) reported that people lost a staggering $304 million to romance scams in the United States alone, with victims reporting average losses of $2,500 per incident. But these numbers barely scratch the surface. Romance scams don’t just steal money—they destroy trust, dignity, and the sense of safety we feel in our personal relationships. And what makes these crimes so insidious is that they prey on one of the most universal human needs: connection.
The Scam: How It Works
At its core, a romance scam is simple: a scammer creates a fake identity, often posing as an attractive, emotionally available person, and lures their victim into a seemingly genuine online relationship. These scammers often use social media, dating apps, or even email to initiate contact. They’re experts at making victims feel seen, valued, and special—playing on feelings of loneliness or vulnerability.
Once the connection is established, the scammer’s tactics begin to shift. They may share fabricated, emotionally charged stories—maybe a supposed business trip gone wrong, an accident requiring urgent medical attention, or even an overseas mission that requires money for some “emergency.” These fabricated crises often seem to hit at the worst possible moments, creating a sense of urgency that compels victims to act quickly. Over time, the requests for money grow larger, sometimes escalating to tens of thousands of dollars.
In the case of “Nicole,” a woman in her 40s from California, the scam started on a popular dating app. After weeks of texting and sending romantic messages, “Tom,” a U.S. Army officer stationed overseas, claimed he needed money to fix his broken-down truck so he could return home. He said he wanted to marry her and start a life together. Over the course of several months, “Nicole” sent over $40,000 to someone she had never met in person, all in the name of love.
When she finally realized the truth—after being ghosted and finding out that the identity of “Tom” was stolen from a real Army officer’s photo—Nicole was heartbroken and financially devastated. But her story isn’t unique.
The Psychological and Financial Impact
What makes romance scams particularly destructive is the psychological toll they take on victims. In the case of Nicole, it wasn’t just about the money; it was about the trust that had been shattered. These scams often target people who are emotionally vulnerable—divorced, widowed, or simply lonely—preying on their hopes of finding connection. The scammers manipulate emotions and exploit the basic human desire for companionship.
Victims report a range of emotional consequences, including guilt, shame, and self-blame. Many victims don’t immediately report the crime due to feelings of embarrassment, which only exacerbates the trauma. There’s also the feeling of betrayal—not just from the scammer, but from oneself, for having trusted someone who turned out to be a criminal.
From a financial standpoint, romance scams are devastating. According to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), romance scams were among the top reported cybercrime incidents in 2020, with losses exceeding $600 million across the U.S. But the numbers don’t tell the whole story. For many victims, the financial loss is just the beginning. After losing money, they often find themselves struggling with credit damage, legal issues, and in some cases, bankruptcy.
The Global Scope and the Role of Technology
What makes romance scams even more insidious is their global reach. These scams don’t have national borders; they’re transnational, with scammers often operating out of countries like Nigeria, Russia, and the Philippines, among others. They can leverage VPNs, fake phone numbers, and a variety of digital tools to hide their true identities. This makes tracking them down incredibly difficult for law enforcement agencies.
The FTC and IC3 have been vocal about the need for greater awareness and prevention. The FBI encourages individuals to remain cautious when forming online relationships, urging them to avoid sending money to people they’ve never met in person. However, even with such warnings, the emotional manipulation and sophisticated techniques used by scammers often go unnoticed by the victim until it’s too late.
Prevention: How to Protect Yourself
While no one wants to believe they could fall for a scam, the truth is, it can happen to anyone. These scammers are extremely adept at gaining your trust and creating a false sense of intimacy. But there are steps you can take to protect yourself:
- Be Skeptical of Overly-Perfect Profiles: Scammers often present themselves as idealized versions of a potential partner—professionally successful, emotionally available, and physically attractive. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
- Watch for Red Flags: If someone you’ve just met online asks for money, especially for an emergency or a personal crisis, it’s almost certainly a scam. No matter how convincing the story, never send money to someone you haven’t met in person.
- Use Reverse Image Search: A simple reverse image search can help verify if the person you’re talking to is using a stolen image. Scammers often steal photos of real people from the internet to build their fake identities.
- Consult Trusted Friends or Family: Before making any significant emotional or financial commitment, talk to someone you trust. Often, victims are so emotionally invested that they ignore warning signs, and a second opinion can be invaluable.
- Report Suspicious Activity: If you suspect you’re dealing with a scammer, report them to IC3 or your local authorities. The more reports there are, the better chance we have of tracking down these criminals.
The Final Thought
Romance scams are a tragic reminder of how vulnerable we can be in the face of longing for connection. In a time when our lives are increasingly lived online, the lines between genuine relationships and malicious intent blur more easily than we’d like to admit.
But beyond the loss of money and the heartbreak, there’s something deeply unsettling about these scams: they exploit our humanity. They take our desire for companionship, our need to trust, and twist it for profit. And while we may never be able to fully guard ourselves against the risk of being deceived, awareness is the first step toward protection.
We may not be able to change the dark reality of cybercrime, but we can certainly be more mindful of its existence—and that small step could make all the difference between a new connection and a devastating betrayal.
